Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login

Undertale really fucked me up. -spoilers obviously

Journal Entry: Sun Nov 8, 2015, 6:26 PM
So I finished my second play-through of Undertale last night. Shit was an emotional roller-coaster. I mean, literally. It's very rare for something to illicit and emotional response from me the way Undertale has. And really I just want to talk about it. I'm going to do it here because r/undertale is full of meanies who like the downvote button too much and the wiki chat is full of nothing but roleplay. 

So, here we go.

Spoilers, obviously. 

When I started playing, I instantly connected with Toriel. The one thing I noticed about the game was that all the characters felt incredibly real, despite the 8-bit sprites. It was just something about Toriel's actions and language that really connected with me. Maybe it's because I love that whole child-like innocence and motherly love kind of stuff. I had a bad childhood so that could explain it, but I'm not here to talk about that. 

Anyway, I was incredibly sad when the tutorial ended and I had to leave Toriel. I didn't want to. I tried to stay as long as I could in her little house because I wanted to be with her. I even went to my room when she told me to. But the voice i my head forced me to continue and I had to eventually hug my goat-mother goodbye and leave her. 

I then spent the entire game calling her after every scene. So much so that I'm even writing a fanfic about how many times I called her. But when I got to the end I was overjoyed to find out the king was a nice guy and missed his wife and would let me go and live with toriel. Then Flowey happened. I knew it was going to because I read a walk-through because at one point I thought Toriel was evil because of how she used words like 'pathetic", but the flowey encounter still messed me up anyway. 

THen I did some reading and decided to plow through on True Pacifist and got to the end again in like 9 hours. I almost started crying during the asriel fight while trying to rescue Toriel's and Asgore's souls. I almost cried again during the Asriel scenes, even backtracking to his scenes in the garden, because it touched on more of that childhood stuff I talked about. 

But I finally got my closure with Toriel. I got to live with her! That's something I wanted since the very beginning of the game. I even yelled at the computer screen when Asriel showed up to introduce the kick-starter backers. I thought he was going to reset the save again and I literally yelled out "Don't take this away from me, you fuck!"

But I should be happy, I got my closure. 

But there's another thing that's really bothering me about Toriel and Asgoer, and it's left me sad for the entire day. It's really fucking me up that Toriel doesn't take Asgore back, and that they ultimately don't get back together, even after Asriel tells you to "Take care of mom and dad". Asgore is seen trimming the hedges outside of Toriel's school, so they reconciled to some degree. But the fact that they never got back together as husband and wife and lived together with frisk really tears me up. They might have though, I don't know because it's left open ended. Asgore could probably be living with Toriel but Toriel is the only seen in the credits with the human and giving him a slice of pie, so it only confirms that you live with Toriel if you choose to. 

What makes this even worse are the video tapes in Alphy's lab and the trophy in Asgore's room. 

It sounds corny I know, but Toriel and Asgore loved each-other at one point, but now it's gone. They were "Nuzzling champions", which heavily implies affection. And one of the tapes shows Toriel waking Asgore up with a camera and joyfully expressing how she's happy to be a mom. But here's where it gets really fucked up. If you go back to where the game started and talk to Asriel he will tell you about the first human to fall down and basically, the first fallen human fucked everything up.

The first fallen human hated humanity, as revealed by asriel. So they devised a plan to break the barrier, as mentioned in the tapes. They were talking about a recipe that called for cups of butter but instead used buttercups and Asgore got really sick.

After that the human and Asriel devised a plan and in a later tape it's revealed that the human poisoned themself so Asriel could absorb his soul and break the barrier. Asriel, at the starting location, revealed that he and the human both had controll over the monster's body when the soul was consumed. He said the human hated humanity and took the body back to the village and wanted to use the monster's body to destroy humanity. But Asriel took control and endured the human's attacks and made it back through the portal, where he died.

Toriel and Asgore lost both of their children and Asgore decided to declare was on the humans and would reap the souls of any human that came through, so one day he could become a god and destroy mankind. 

Toriel though this was disgusting and divorced him, and after that, 5 more souls were taken. Now Frisk comes along and sets Undertale's story in motion, and once you get to the fight with Asgore he reveals that he never wanted to hurt anyone, and never wanted to wage war on humanity. He only wanted to give his people hope, and he wanted to be with his wife. If you spare him he offers to let you live with toriel but then flowey happens. 

So basically the first human fucked everything up. And if it wasn't for him Toriel and Asgore would still be together and their child would be alive and I wouldn'tve been so fucking sad today. I would've been able to enjoy the closrue I got from the fact that my character got to live with Toriel. 

...

Like I said. It's very rare for something to hit me this hard emotionally. This game managed to hit all the right buttons. 



Streaming [ended]

Journal Entry: Sun Jun 28, 2015, 3:31 PM
My make-up stream for saturday is starting in about 15 minutes (5:45 PM CST) and is set to run until 9 pm CST. I would've done it yesterday but I layed down for a nap at 4 and slept for 16 straight hours.

The stream starts at 5:45 to allow joiners to cxome in and the drawing starts at 6. I'm looking to finish my FLuttershy picture and if I don't it will most likely be finished by the next stream.

If you like digitally painted ponies, stoner metal, and hippy jam bands then this is the stream for you!

Stream Link

Streaming [Ended]

Journal Entry: Thu Jun 25, 2015, 4:46 PM
Doing an Art Stream on Picarto, coloring my latest drawing. 

See you there

EDIT: Stream is over, only 1 person showed up, but that kinda sucks for everypony else because it was SorcerusHorserus and we talked about stoner rock and how to draw eyes.

Ask Lonershy Hiatus

Journal Entry: Mon Jan 19, 2015, 1:16 PM
This isn't an announcement, more so an update on why I haven't updates my ask blog Ask Lonershy in a few months. 

I was in talks with EqD about getting the blog featured on their tumblr spotlight and they said the b log was cleared to go up, I'd just need a few pages of content first. That's like 75 posts, and I didn't want to rush the blog with an influx of sub-par posts so I decided to take a break from the blog to practice my drawing. 

In the meantime I'm exploring possible story archs, so once I feel satisfied with my skills I will resume the blog and skew it into a more story-driven ask blog. 

Just felt like keeping you guys updated.

I'm considering opening up commissions.

Journal Entry: Sun Jan 18, 2015, 9:51 PM
I ran into problems during my room refurnishing and kinda blew my budget.

Whoopsie.

I'm considering opening commissions to remedy that, as well as give me some extra practice for home and school drawing. The only problem is I don't know if I'm ready yet. I'm decent enough at sketching, coloring, and shading. The only problem is I'm not up to snuff with the painterly style I want to do yet; also I've never done commissions before.

I don't know. What do you guys think? You've all seen my art and my quick improvements, do you think I'm ready to do commissions? Maybe if I just limit it to sketches and simple coloring?

I've never done this before so I could use some advice.

Being an artist with no audience is arduous.

Journal Entry: Sun Nov 2, 2014, 11:58 PM
I find I'm alternating between either manic optimism when working onj my own stuff and soul-crushing pessimism when comparing myself to other artists I'm in contact or want to emulate. 

I've been told my biggest problem is nself discouragement, but without an audience to even create an echo chamber all I have is my own voice telling me I'm the best writer ever one minute and that I'll never ever get where I'm going the next. 

Where does this ride end? I want to get off. 

Bought a Surface Pro 3

Journal Entry: Mon Oct 27, 2014, 9:39 PM


Drawing ponies is going to be a hell of a lot easier :D


Our Day in Disdain: Chapter 6 Teaser

Journal Entry: Sat Jul 12, 2014, 4:59 PM
One, Two, skip a few, here's the teaser for chapter 6. Hopefully it's long enough to make up for the past three chapters: 

---

    The in-patient ward was alive with sound; a symphony of machine clicks and beeps, wheezes and susurrations of air ventilators. The halls were filled with such sounds.

    Being a small community hospital, Ponyville Hospital didn’t have very many wards, so many of the adult surgery patients were mixed in with the patients that would normally be housed in Intensive Care. But since that Ponyville Hospital was no bigger than the hotel building it converted from, and because the closest hospital was the large teaching hospital in Manehattan, it didn’t have the resources for a separate ICU ward or the time available to send patients to a more specialized hospital; thus, the patients were mixed into a single ward. Resulting in a  crescendo of noise that could rattle the brain of anypony who listened for too long.

    Twilight’s Room, however, was quieter. There was only one machine beeping, one machine chirping, one machine wheezing, and one pony on one hospital bed.

    Twilight was laying on her back, unconscious and with her head turned to Spike, her dragon assistant, who was sitting in a chair off to her side and nervously watching her heart monitor. Strands of her lilac hair clung to her face, matted down and tangled from the rain and from being shuffled around as  the doctors tried to resuscitate her, while several tubes snaked around her left hoof and carried fluids into her veins. Another tube ending somewhere deep inside her throat was connected to a machine that made her chest rise and fall at a steady rhythm.

    Spike didn’t know what caused Twilight to end up in the hospital. He remembered waking up to a lot of commotion in the library’s foyer, and when he made his way downstairs Twilight was already being carried out by Rarity and Pinkie Pie. He followed them all the way to the hospital, asking several times what had happened, but neither Rarity or Pinkie would tell him, and by the time they had reached the hospital he was told to stay in the waiting room until while the responding residents worked on her.


By the time he was finally allowed to see her, she had already slipped unconscious and had to be placed on life-support just to keep her vitals stable. Now Spike didn’t know how to feel, watching his mentor and best friend laying motionless except for her mechanical breaths. All he knew is that it made his chest feel tight, like something was pressing against his diaphragm, and it caused him to only be able to take short, shallow breaths.


Our Day in Disdain:Chapter 3 teaser

Journal Entry: Wed Sep 18, 2013, 9:13 AM
It's that time again! I'm almost done with chapter 3 so I figured I'd throw up a little teaser for it, enjoy!

---

Dashie limped out of the alley and into the rising wind and empty market streets. The wind sighed through the square and set the shop signs creaking against their hooks, and brushed a trail of debris, like autumn leaves, down the cobbled roads which were already starting to lose the last of the sun's heat.

The wind wafted past where groups of ponies would've stood at vendor carts and vegetable stands, exchanging bits for groceries while street performers would play their instruments for loose change. Wafted past where clusters of foals would've filled the town with the sounds of conversation and laughter that one would expect from a school cafeteria during the bright hours of the afternoon. But these ponies were ushered inside at the first signs of the leering storm clouds; so now the market was still, and silent.

There was no more music, no more laughing, only the sounds of a damp wind that didn't want to stop and the hoofsteps of an injured mare trotting through the light of the town's lamps that illuminated the streets at regular intervals.

Dashie sat down in the middle of the square. She was dizzy and her ribs hurt, and by now the wind had blown the smell she was following all over until the whole town smelled like the fragrance of vegetables and the cool tinge of the coming rain



Here's to 100!

Journal Entry: Sun Sep 15, 2013, 6:53 PM

So I just found out that I have a hundred watchers. That's not a very substantial number considering I've been in the fandom for three, almost four, years; I should've been up to a couple hundred thousand by now if I hadn't got sidetracked a while back with some stupid drama. 

Anyway, it means a lot to me that there are one hundred bronies out there that think I'm somehow worth paying attention to. I want to do something special to show my appreciation but I'm not a very good artist or music maker yet and I can't do another fanfic because I already have thirteen other projects in the works. I'll think of something though, maybe some kind of contest or a give-away, or both. Just give me some time to think it out. 

And for those hundred of you that are watching me, lets see if we can make it to two hundred!

Thanks so much for watching me. 


Our Day in Disdain: Chapter 2 Teaser

Journal Entry: Thu Jul 11, 2013, 10:51 PM

   "The Grand Galloping Gala is less than a month away! Visit Rarity at Carousel Boutique for all of your dresses, coats, horseshoes, and other Gala fashion needs!"

    There were wild postings with that statement all throughout Ponyville, and they were the first things Sweetie belle saw as she entered the town. They were simple black and white posters with no fancy fonts or designs in the background; just that phrase and a picture of Carousel Boutique in the middle.


    The posters were clean, as if placed overnight, and posted everywhere from Sugarcube Corner to the hoardings around the building sites of soon-to-be houses and businesses. A pony couldn't go a block without seeing one of Rarity's signs at least a hundred times, and this was her plan.


    The Grand Galloping Gala is the greatest social event in Equestria and an even greater source of revenue for Rarity's boutique, thus requiring a great deal of advertising since most of her usual orders came from out-of-town. But just like the first of autumn's leaves spinning down from the trees told the citizens of ponyville that summer was ending, Rarity's signs reminded them that the Gala was close around the corner.


    Sweetie Belle remembered hearing her sister talk about how hard she works during the fall. Sometimes taking on fifteen to twenty orders a week and ignoring her own health, working herself close to exhaustion; just so she can close her boutique for the winter and spend time with her sister. She also remembered how disheveled Rarity looked back in the boutique and felt even more ashamed at her earlier protesting, and decided to use the money her sister had generously given her to buy a gift in appreciation for all of her hard work.

-----

There's some teaser paragraphs to hold you all over until I'm happy enough with my revisions to post Chapter 2!


Journal Archive.

Journal Entry: Sun Dec 16, 2012, 11:13 PM
I found an archive of my old deleted journals while adding RSS feeds to Twitterfeed and felt I should rehost them on DA for nostalgic reasons. So if you want to read my old journal entries from 2011, read them below!

-----------------

Name Change.
by ~Rainb0wDashie
Oct 10, 2011 9:28 PM
I decided that the name "The Equestrian exile" was too amateur to be the title of My fanficiton. So I decided to make a few creative changes.

The title is now "Our day in disdain"
The prologue is now titled "The equestrian exile"

I feel that maybe I can get a little more attention and appreciation for my writing. chapter 2 is coming soon! ^_^

-----------------

Obligatory Chapter teaser!
by ~Rainb0wDashie
Oct 10, 2011 9:28 PM
Please enjoy this tears from "chapter 2: The nurse who loved me" :3

Enjoy!


"And it's…uh… 3 years of tension that this group has managed to contain." said the radio reporter, his voice softly emitting from inside the small lakeside cottage.

Dashie had been sitting outside of the cottage; throwing pebbles into the water and watching them skip out into the middle of the lake, absent-mindedly listening to the conversation coming from the radio inside.

"It's definitely a different situation now, there's no threat of war but there is a chance of an economic shut down…"

Dashie threw another stone into the lake, observing a school of fish swim away from the rock as it sinks to the bottom.
"Everything's" Dashie said quietly to herself "a novelty…"

The school of fish regrouped, floating over the sunken pebble "Everyone grows but me…"

"It's not like anything we have experienced… this fiscal year" the colt on the radio said.

"Close one eye…" Dashie said, taking a hoof-full of stones and whipping them into the water, watching the ripples crash into each other "Step to the side…"

"Everyone grows but-"

"Oh… um… excuse me but… Am I bothering you?" A low voice asked as Dashie turned around, startled by the sudden disturbance.

"D-Dashie…!" Fluttershy softly exclaimed, a baby bird wrapped gently in one of her wings "I haven't seen you in years… Dear Celestia you look terrible!"

-----------------

Hiatus...
by ~Rainb0wDashie
Oct 10, 2011 9:28 PM
Production of "the Equestrian Exile" is on a temporary hiatus until I come out of this depression... It will be soon though ( I hope)

-----------------

Chatper 1 teaser!
by ~Rainb0wDashie
Oct 10, 2011 9:28 PM
"Little boys picked on him… Teased him, called him names… Knocked him down, beat him up… He was only 5 years old. He runs in the house, grabs a knife out of the drawer, and went and cornered these boys… Had 'em cornered, was going to kill 'em… I just looked at him; I said 'what are you doing Macintosh?". He said, "I'm going to kill 'em dad… I'm going to kill 'em because they beat me up.""

Granny Smith swirled the merlot in her glass before taking a sip. She turned to her male companion "When Big Macintosh was little, I worried about him constantly. I always sensed a hidden malevolence in him… But it seemed to vanish once you brought him to the farm."

The colt took a sip form his own glass "I think the city life was just too much for him…"

Granny smith watched a droplet of water condensate and snake its way down her glass, gracing her hoof with its cooling presence. "It's a relief that he never hurt anyone," she said, finishing the wine in her glass. "He was such an angry child."
"but now…" Granny said nervously.

The colt took the bottle of merlot and poured Granny another glass. "now what?" he asked curiously.

"Thank you" she said softly, taking her glass. "But now, It doesn't really seem like his anger has left him" Granny paused to take another sip of wine "It just seems to be glazed over by the routine of a farmer's life."

The colt looked at Granny with a countenance of confusion and curiosity. "glazed over?" he asked, setting his glass down.

"He's always so mellow." Granny said, shaking her head. "And besides, I've even seen him do some very odd things around the farm…"

The colt maintained his eye contact, raising an eyebrow.

"He likes to kill small animals and blame it on the weather." She said coldly. "He won't admit to it but everyone has seen him doing it at least once."

The door to the room opened. Big Macontosh stepped inside, adorned in his fanciest suit. "Dad, your chariot's here. It's time for you to return to Canterlot." Big Macintosh said.

-----------------

[Equestria Daily journal rant withheld]

-----------------